"Tonight I'm On My Own"

Updated: Oct 31, 2019

Song: "Before I Get Old" - Cameron J

(Just a little prefacing note, I actually meant to write this last year, but I never sat down to. It's pretty interesting actually, I found my notes for this post a few days ago, and it's soo crazy to me that I still feel the things I wrote about two-hundred-sixty-ish days ago today. I feel like what this song addresses is important, and it is something a lot of people think about. I think about it more than I should, then, now, will in the future, until I'm hitched probably.)

I got to ask Cam a little bit about this song, what he was thinking while writing it, and what it means to him. His headspace towards this song is pretty much the same as mine. Basically, this song was a place for him to be vulnerable about "wanting to be in love, and being scared of running out of time." Wanting something real, and honest, but not knowing if or when it's going to come along is a hard disposition to be in. I feel like a lot of us are familiar with this place. Are you in it right now? Am I? Dwelling too much on the things we don't have is problematic (so I don't want to be here too long), but skirting around real things we're dealing with is a problem too. I think genuinely facing our worries, and addressing where we stand with them is healthy, and good for us (moderated of course).

I'm pretty young, but I've definitely sung this song a few times in my life (this is a metaphor by the way). I sang it just last night actually. It's hard. I don't have control over the things I badly want, I don't even know where to start looking. Am I headed in the right direction? Is where I'm at right now good for me? I DON'T KNOW. Like Cam sings, I just "wanna be in love." Hey husband, will you just knock on my door already?! What coffee shop do I have to walk in to? What's your favourite shoe store, just saying I'll be leaning against the Guildford Nike store entrance noon on Saturday. I hate it, but I get it, I guess. Whenever it happens, it'll be special. The world is still finessing him to meet me, and me for him. It's tough sometimes, I WILL and do complain, like a lot, but I have faith. As much as I want to skip to our meet-cute, I know how important it is for both of us to be ready for it. If it hasn't happened, it's because we're not who we need to be for each other yet, and that sucks, but I get it.

To anyone out there who shares this boat with me, I think we'll make it. It sucks to not know anything, there's a good chance we'll have to shamble through some heartbreaking situations, bad decisions, long spells of boredom, but our future spouses/partners etc. are on the other side of these things. They're fighting their own monsters to see us too. I have faith, if you can muster it you should too!