Song: Things are Changing - Jade Boiser
(Watch out for the volume by the way!)
I'm drafting this in the middle of writing "Things are Changing." So far I have two verses and a chorus. . .
Lately, life's been weighing different for me. The feeling's really hard to place, but basically everything I'm accustomed to feels foreign, sort of. It's been a hell of a month for me. From the beginning of October till about a day ago has been a toxic mosaic of conflict, anger, insecurities, hate and teaaaars. The saying "by the skins of my teeth" has never resonated with me more than now. I'm still out of breathe. My work environment was toxic, my relationship was failing, I was getting bullied. My self-esteem was completely shot. I started to resent myself. My world threatened to collapse in on me every dang day. There were a lot of days I only cared to get through.
Most mornings I wake up already done with the day, already exhausted. Sleep only does so much for self-depreciation and mean people. The morning I started writing this song, I woke up uncharacteristically (for the month) siked about my life. Breakfast was oddly silent, no vicious voices. I didn't want to flee from the mirror when I was getting ready.
I'm writing this song because I don't know what else to do. Everything feels different. When I wasn't looking, life (the sneaky goof) moved me onto another stage, a different set where I have no familiarity. Love looks so different. My tea doesn't taste the same. Things that used to work, don't anymore. So little of anything I cared about before matters to me anymore. I was white-knuckling onto myself, holding so tight to my values, my sanity last month, I didn't even notice all the things that slipped out of my life. I don't care for attention from people who don't care about me anymore. The voices that used torment me, sound like mice now. My priorities have shed a couple dumb, vain, layers.
Validation from outside my very close-knit circle a.k.a me and a couple of as-frustrated-etceteras, isn't usually informed enough to mean much to me, especially when it comes to the stuff inside my head. Interpretations skew. Life is different for everybody, so everyone has different gauges. I get misunderstood a lot. This song is from me to me (and anyone who can relate), saying "I see you . . . all of you," and really meaning it. It's okay to grow, for definitions to change. It's okay to want more, or less of something. I'm writing this song because time won't stop, and I'm scared of losing things. "What if's" paralyze me. I'm fearful of change, I'm scared because deep down I know it's time to (change); it scares me that I want to.
To be honest, I don't know what to do about the bridge.