Updated: Oct 31, 2019
Song: "Stronger than you Know" - Brittney Snyder
To Jade on the 17th of March,
Sweetie, get up from the floor, wash your face, turn on the lights. You WILL be okay. I'm only a week older than you, but things are better; every day it gets a little better. The world doesn't feel so suffocating anymore. You don't get as anxious when people laugh, or chatter around you. Mean comments, cruel assumptions don't make you wanna cry anymore. You're a little better at controlling your anxiety. Every random reference doesn't start a stress attack anymore. Expressing yourself doesn't seem so scary anymore.
Today, there was someone saying some nasty stuff about us on the bus, you know what we did? We looked him hard in the eyes and smiled. Everything he said didn't puncture us, we almost laughed actually. Hard to believe it now, but things actually got worse, like a lot worse after the seventeenth. IT WAS BAD. Everything that could have gone wrong did. Hold on to yourself, that's all I can say. The world was ceaseless in its punches, it felt like that to me. I promise the purpose of this letter is to help you. I'm just bracing you for what's going to happen because it does get worse. I'm coming from the other side of that please remember that. The only thing between you and me right now is that lump of ugly, I PROMISE I feel really good. We get a lot stronger. When everything was crumbling apart in front, behind, underneath, above, even inside us, we somehow managed to salvage the really important parts of ourself. In most senses were are better than ever. We see ourself the clearest we ever have. We have a greater sense of purpose, renewed love for ourself and people. We've forgiven ourself for everything that others have put us through. We're getting close to forgiving ourself for the stuff we put us through. We genuinely tackled some really difficult questions, I feel like we're getting close to substantial answers. We're better at dealing with things we can't control, we really are.
Jade, I know what's in your head right now. The answer is yes, it is worth it. I'm telling you now, you're wasting your time trying to convince yourself otherwise. Those things aren't what's torturing you, it's the stuff around it. STOP FOCUSING ON THE STUFF AROUND IT. I know you can handle it, because I did. You don't believe me, I know, try to though, because I'm telling you the truth. It's really hard to look up or believe past anything you're feeling or seeing right now, Jade do your best to. I know how things go, so please breathe. Hold onto everything that holds on to you. There are people holding on to you. Stay rooted in the things that are UNSHAKEABLE. Believe me, things get sunnier, literally, it's been eighteen degrees this entire week. Love you, get some rest. YOU WILL BE OKAY! Listen to the song, I think it'll help.